From a guy’s perspective: Many women seem to always forget that men are completely different. We process information differently, we relate to one another differently, we express ourselves differently. However, a woman who understands these differences will become a priceless gem that men will always admire. John Gray, in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus explains it wonderfully: “Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.”
In fact, it is these exact differences between men and women that spark passion and love because otherwise men wouldn’t need women and vice versa.
Now, some of you told me that men are just too complicated to understand! But let me tell you this: yes, it is quite possible to understand men and it is probably much easier for women to understand men than the other way around, and no, you are not dreaming (hahaha!).
First of all, you need to understand that men are primarily driven by success and accomplishment. We value tangible results, efficiency and power, and everything we do is geared towards proving ourselves. We won’t sit around and talk about our feelings, instead we prefer to engage in competitive activities where we can win. It gives us the chance to show off our superiority over other males.
I bet you won’t find a guy reading the latest issue of People or Cosmo (I’m not even really familiar with those magazines) but instead we will read the sports section of the paper or the news. We care so little about romance novels or movies because we are more interested in things rather than feelings. Those things are usually the ones that we think that can help us express power, like a fancy sports car, the most expensive sound system, a yacht or the latest gadgets.
Maybe now you are wondering why we are like that. If you are, then just bear in mind that we are goal driven and we feel good about ourselves when we manage to achieve our goals because they prove that we are worthy and competent. More so if we achieved it on our own, since for us, that is an even greater testament to our power and strength. Women should also understand that since we are hardwired to solve our problems on our own, we rarely talk about them and when we do, it means that we need advice and help (take note of that).
If only all women can understand this side of us, then they will understand why we hate being corrected or advised without asking for it. Because it makes us feel incompetent and we feel that you don’t trust us to solve the problem. In other words, we always want to feel that we are on top of everything, simply because we are competitive in nature, and women need to understand that.
Aside from the fact that we like to provide or offer a solution to the woman we love as a way of expressing our affections, we just really tend to do it since we always want to feel capable, and it is no different when another man were to share his problems, then we would be more than willing to do it since it makes us feel proficient and gives us a sense of dominance over the other guy, at least on that particular matter.
Another thing that women should understand is that we deal with stress very differently. A woman will talk about all her problems with her friends, who will instinctively know that she needs a little support and understanding, so they will try to show as much compassion as they can. On the other hand, a man will most likely withdraw and focus on a different activity so that he can tune out his problems until the following day when he has to handle them.
Unfortunately, most women think that we don’t care about them or we are excluding them out of the issue because we aren’t talking about it with them, when it’s just simply a matter of how men deal with stress differently than women. Women should accept the fact that it is unrealistic to expect us to open up immediately to them when we are stressed just as it is unrealistic for us to expect them to calm down and be rational and logical all the time.
Now if your man withdraws to watch basketball or a movie, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you or care about you, it simply means that he is really stressed. You need to learn not to take it personally (I’m serious about this) and to give him a little space. Also, if you ask for his attention in a calm and relaxed manner you will find him to be much more responsive than if you start the blame game.